Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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