community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
