it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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