Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize