I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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