Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
