suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
