3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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