You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
