you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this boner is exhausting
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
