omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
