somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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