we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
