She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
