I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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