I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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