Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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