so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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