I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
