WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
