I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What a dumb baby whore.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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