Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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