fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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