It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
