Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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