lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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