ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
