the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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