so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
