I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
