I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The power of my boobs compel you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize