The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
