do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
