My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
