Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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