Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
