thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
