genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
