i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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