i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
