My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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