Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
