You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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