her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize