need another drink. this is the easiest way
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
