Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
