i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
