Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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