They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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