Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
