I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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