After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
