did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
