Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
