my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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