hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I enjoy the company of your penis
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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