You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
