Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize