I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize