sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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